my heart in your pocket

i called you on thursday

it was almost 6:30.

it’s been 2 weeks since we talked

and every single day

my mind has been on you.

i wonder what you’re doing.

i wonder what it’s like in your new city.

i dream of coming to your town

for you to show me around.

i’m sure you’re settled in by now.

is there a girl you’re seeing?

are there friends you’ve made?

do you have a favorite spot?

are you dreaming about me coming

like i’m dreaming about coming?

do you recall our last conversation

when you told me of the baseball field

that’s just across the street from your apartment?

i told you i loved baseball

and i told you we have to go

when i get there

and you only agreed.

did you mean it?

did you want me to come too?

do you dream of me at night

like i dream of you?

i miss you.

i miss the color of your eyes,

i miss the sound of your voice,

i miss the doors you always reached out for

so i never had to touch the handle.

i miss your presence

and how i never had to wonder where your mind was at.

you were always in the moment.

you were never anyone but you.

you were never anywhere else,

except right there with me.

i dream of seeing you,

i dream of mississippi,

i dream of buying plane tickets

to finally see you after 2 months.

it’s almost been 2 months.

i hate that i’ve fallen in love with you

and i hate even more that i don’t hate it

not even a little bit

not even at all.

i’ve learned that all i seem to care about

all i seem to worry about

is my relationship with Christ,

the status of my job,

and you.

i remember asking your favorite movie,

you said i wouldn’t like it

but i watched it anyways.

i analyzed it 

i thought about why

you were drawn to a anti-war war movie such as this.

it made me feel closer to you

to see inside your brain

and as always,

my thoughts of you bring

tears to my eyes

because i can’t see you

i can’t hear your voice

it’s like a part of me is missing

but you were never mine to begin with

i can’t recall 

the smell of your cologne

but i do remember

the way it made me feel

and now i search my brain

for the memory of your scent

to feel the weight

of that feeling

once again

i left my heart 

in savannah, ga

and you took it with you

home to ohio

and when you moved to iowa,

you kept it in your pocket

so now there’s a piece of me

all over the country

and you don’t even call me back

and you don’t even know you took it with you

xx, caro